I'm in the middle of full-on nesting this morning. I've already cleaned the entire downstairs and figured I should take a little break before moving to the upstairs. I had a sudden urge to nest yesterday but figured it would be best to wait until Patrick could help with Miles so I can clean without him climbing up my legs or following behind me messing everything up, Miles, not Patrick. :) . It just so happens that Patrick wanted to get his dad's help to change his car breaks so he and Miles took a little father-son trip up to Everett this morning and left me to fully indulge in my nesting. I don't think I've ever been this excited to have a day to myself, let alone clean and have it stay clean for more than 15 minutes.
Over the past week I've been really, really wanting this baby to come. Finally, I came to grips with the fact that baby will come when he's ready and I might as well stop worrying about it because it's driving me crazy. So, yesterday on my walk I decided I would enjoy Miles as a single child and being able to spend as much time with him as I want without any other interruptions. I decided I would enjoy the fact that if I need to run errands I can throw Miles in the car and go. I also decided that I would enjoy things being predictable and simple for the time being because it will be a while until things settle down enough to be that way again.
The last few weeks of this pregnancy has taught me to be thankful, helped me to be a stronger person both physically and emotionally, and see the brighter side to my struggles. Yes, it's easy to have self pity when you can't bend over and put on your shoes without feeling like you could pass out. It's easy to complain about your pelvis popping every time you roll over to get out of bed in the middle of the night to go the bathroom (which is racking up to about 5 or 6 times these days). But what good does that do? None.
I'm thankful for how helpful Patrick is around the house and with Miles. I thankful for how easy going Miles is. He goes to bed easy, he laughs constantly, and is generally happy all the time. I realized that my physical suffering can not compare to the physical suffering Jesus went through with his journey to and on the cross. Any time I think I can't go on anymore with whatever pain I'm feeling I recall what Jesus went through. And he willingly went through it, for me. It really puts my pain and suffering into perspective and helps me not to complain as much. Seeing the bright side has been hard and ultimately it's just been me telling myself that I'll eventually have a baby to hold. Things will be different. Our lives will change.
This pregnancy has helped me grow and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to do so. Sometimes it takes tragedy or family struggles but this time it takes a new life. And I am so grateful to God for this little guy that's kicking to get out and meet the world and help us grow even more.